SOUTH PARK: Prettier, Wordier, And Crackier
by SteelAgainstIvory
Summary: What happens when a cracked out authoress with bunny ears whisks the boys to Bishie Land? Well, lots of dialogue, strange antics, but mostly craziness. Style CrAcK fIc!


**A/N:** I wrote this as a gift for my best friend, Anna. My first crack and Style fic.

**WARNING: **Just random chaos. Multiple on-purpose spelling/grammatical mistakes. Some movie allusions and episode references. Guilty of author-insertion. Fanfiction lingo… OH! And tons of SLAAAAAAAAAAASH.

**SUMMARY:** What happens when a cracked out authoress with bunny ears whisks the boys to Bishie Land? Well, lots of dialogue, but mostly craziness.

**DISCLAIMER:** I. Has. NOTHING! Nothing, do you hear?! NOOOOTHIIIIIING!

**REMEMBER:**

"Dialogue."

**Emphasis**

Self-Explanitory

* * *

SOUTH PARK: Prettier, Wordier, and Crackier

The fic you are about to read will terrify you and—oh wait… wrong opening. Sorry! Let's try that again!

This fic has been brought to you by the Motion Picture Association of America! It has been rated C+ for Crack due to strong references to canon, possibly drugs, and rabbits. If you stay and read… eh, you'll figure out why rabbits.

SO—cue intro music!

It was any other day in glorious cardboard-cutout South Park. Actually, I think they use computer graphics now instead of cardboard paper… BUT! Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman were standing at their usual spots at the bus stop… When all of a sudden, a voice from faaaaaaar away from the microphone calls out to them. Blinking, Kyle pointed to the distance asking his friends curiously, "What the hell is **that**?"

**That** would be a teenage girl who hobbles up to the screen in the typical South Park way. She seemed like any other girl, jacket, jeans, shoes… except for the bunny ears.

"There you four are!" I—uh, I mean—_she_ exclaims.

"Uh, yeah, pretty much where we are every epsiode," Kyle says, looking up with a raised eyebrow.

"Day, dude," Stan corrects, "Not episode."

"Right—where we are every day!" Kyle nods.

"GAH! I should have known that!" the teenage-girl-with-bunny-ears sighs. Then, strangely she produces a wand with a bright pink heart at the tip. "And now that I found you boys—you're my only hope!"

The tubby bastard, Cartman leans over and muttered to his (air quotes go here)friends(air quotes go here too), "Princess Leia has some issues."

Then with a magic *POOF* there were swirls, and swirls, and swirls, and swirls, and swirls… and I'm dizzy so I'm gonna sit down, but just remember there are swirls involved in this paragraphy-thingy. Well, it's not really a paragraph. There's like, two or three sentences.

So… um, lets go to commercial so I can gather my thoughts… _

(GIRLS GONE WILD!!! … WITH BOLOGNA!!! Dun Dun Dun!)

BACK TO THE SHOW! More intro music—this time, anime styled!

Now let out a big **ZOMG!** 'cause the boys weren't in Colorado anymore. When they looked about they were in a beautiful, artistically drawn atmosphere… and they _definitely_ weren't nine anymore.

"ZOMG!" they all screamed pointing at each other.

"Welcome," said what would have been the teen in South Park but was now a cute little Bunny-Girl. They looked over to see her wielding a fountain pen and dressed in an adorable outfit (imagine at your own disclosure), "To _Bishie Land_!"

"What the fuck is a bishie?" Stan asked, looking about his (new and improved) self. His eyes were set with a dark blue, gorgeous raven hair whisking about in the wind. His costume was similar to what he wore before; coffee jacket, dark blue jeans, and his kick-ass hat. But he filled it out nicely in his young, strapping seventeen-year-old body!

"Why, you boys are Bishies!" the Bunny-Girl exclaimed.

"Huh?" Kyle questioned, luscious garnet curls falling over blazing green eyes. His pale skin stood out against his green coat and zippy cargo pants hugging his slender hips. "Why the fuck would anyone wear cargo pants in a snowy mountain climate?!"

"Cause' it's sexy. Duh," was the response.

…

Okay we've waited long enough! Now we'll describe Kenny! As is with most writers, they love to Bishie Kenny up like his Ninja Outfit in "Good Times With Weapons." Awesome episode. You should totally watch it. ANYWHOOZLE MONKIES WITH THEIR BABIES!

Kenny had no hood, (squeal here please and wait until finished) his messy dirty blond locks framing his sharp face smexily. Deep sapphire eyes twinkled in his toned, peach colored skin, accented nicely by the ripped sleeved orange shirt and matching pants with a black, low hanging bullet belt. And don't worry, ladies, there is a Drool Bucket Station at every intersection.

"HOLD UP!" Cartman shrieked. Everyone turned to look at him. Since it _is _Bishie Land, most people give the fastass a break. He's not so much fat anymore as muscled. Strong Germanic features (big surprise there) and a nice styled head of… let's call the color chestnut brown. Oh, but his eyes are a dark black—therefore reflecting his evil! DUN DUN DUN! "Now that you spent two pages on introduction and description, mind telling us our point here?!"

"Boys, listen!" Bunny-Girl pleaded, "Bishie Land is in terrible danger!" The group of boys eyed each other, looking about confused. Bishie Land seemed peaceful enough.

"But how?" Stan asked.

"The hate-mongers and homophobes have already reached Xiaolin Showdown's Bishie Land _and_ Star Trek's!" the girl cried. She hugged on to herself, nearly sobbing.

"I hate to be rude, but again, explain bishies?" Kenny asked, and his voice was like sweet, sweet honey (Kenny's everybody's favorite). Bunny-Girl nearly melted, then shook her head rapidly, bringing out paper to write on as inspiration exploded.

"Bishies are beautiful boys. Most of the time, you find them in romance stories… especially the boys' love stories!" she giggled.

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh," they said in union. "Wait…"

"YOU WANT US TO GAY LOVE EACH OTHER?!" (this one was actually in harmony—Cartman took bass, Kenny and Stan baritone, and Kyle in tenor).

"Actually no!" Bunny-Girl declared, "I'm not a shipper of Cartman/Kyle, Kenny/Kyle, Stan/Kenny, or even Cartman/Kenny. You see, I'm more into… Style."

"Please… don't tell me that means—" Stan started, eyeballing his BFF who was slowly turning into a tomato (in literary terms, not physically).

"STAN AND KYLE, YOU SHALL SAVE BISHIE LAND!" Bunny-Girl battle cried, rising her pen into the air. Thunder, lightning, rain, and such pelted the ground for like, a second, and then the Land was happy again. "Huh. I thought more would happen right there… Oh well, lemme show you around!"

They all skipped away from the bus stop and into town. In the coffee shop, Craig and Tweek were sexing. Somewhere by a club that's only in Bishie Land, Damien was taking advantage of Pip. Gregory and Christophe would be bickering before they went at it. Also, they would stumble upon a lonely Butters and lose Kenny along the way. However, since it _is_ Bishie Land, Bebe and Wendy were see nowhere. They're probably hiding somewhere from bashings and-slash-or lesbianism on order to survive the fics. Bet they were making out too, those whores.

Aw damn! They didn't survive this crack fic. (shrugs) Oh well, live and let die.

"Welp, that's pretty much everything," Bunny-Girl said, spinning around. BUT! Cartman was edging waaaaaaaaaaaaay too close to Kyle. Immediately BG's eyes widened as she understood what was about to take place. "Oh no! Kyle! You must run quick!"

"What? Why?" he asked as a dark figure loomed over him from behind. Then Cartman pounced. However, being the seme, Stan saves Kyle by kicking Cartman in the chest really hard.

"What the fuck happened?!" Stan cried out as he spun around, none-too happy (yeah, _friends_ my ass).

"Canon happened!" the girl declared, "Oh, Matt and Trey! Why?! Why make the three part episode, _IMAGINATONLAND_, out on DvD—special bonus features now available!" The sky then turned red, and gigantic hovering bee-like creatures swarming towards the group.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Stan shouted, covering his head as the creatures banked, swooping down straight toward them.

"No! Homophobes and Haters!" BG pointed out unnecessarily. (Oh my!)

Cartman laughed manically, snatching the femme version of Kyle as he popped to his feet. "Good! They've followed my directions! Now Me and Kyleh will be the only OTP!"

"Nooooooo!" Stan cried, dropping to his knees as a Bee-Creature swiped up the pair and took them away, Kyle reaching for Stan in the heart wrenchingly possibly described by anybody.

"Get up Stan!" Bunny-Girl shouted over the really goddamn annoying buzzing of Haters, "You must fight Cartman! Show him who's the real OTP!"

"GAH! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!"

Bunny-Girl rolled her eyes. She had to think fast. Then, with a cliché realization she whistled loud enough to burst glass. All the pairings gathered together, galloping over the sudden hill that appeared on amazing pretty steeds. Without realizing, they were now decked out like LOTR.

"There may come a day when the Boys of Beauty fail! But it shall not be this day!" Bunny-Girl rallied, smashing her pen over the swords and spears of the lined bishies of South Park Land. Stan could be seen, with his helmet obscuring his dark hair, those navy eyes flashing as he took in her words. "Bishies! Let. Us. Fight!"

Roaring started, followed by a fade out, then faint strains of Enya singing in Lothlorian washes over the fields as the Bishies fight against the Homophobes. Before long, as the dead piled and people lay slain, wounded, and maimed, Stan glanced up to see a moth fluttering before him. It brought his vision to the ravine overlooking the battlefield. Sunlight spilled out as a sun rose. Shadows emerged. "Reinforcements!" the seme called out. The green ghosts of the pairings lost, killed, and abused over the years poured out, washing across the enemies and taking them down.

Soon, Bunny-Girl stood over the body of Cartman and Stan rushed over to his fallen uke. They held each other with passion ('cause that world is always in romance stories). "For every one pairing that falls… five more will arise from its ashes…" she whispered.

Looking up to the Bunny-Girl, Stan and Kyle gave a nod. Clicking a button on her ballpoint pen, it magically changed into the wand from earlier in the fic (but bishiefied). Flickering her wrist, Bunny-Girl sent the South Park Bishies back to South Park Land.

"Thank you so much!" she said taking off her ears lightly, "You've saved the everyone."

"Hey, it was no problem," Stan offered. The girl smiled and the unconscious Cartman on the floor rolled over, groaning. "Hey, he gonna be alright?"

"Huh? Him?" she looked down and shrugged. BG waved goodbye and left to finish off other ficcies (presumably).

"Yeah, that was just odd," Kyle stated to no one in particular.

"Muffle, muffle, muffle," Kenny's said and everyone laughed.

"You can say that again!"

"Muffle, muffle, muffle."

Laughter erupted from them. Then once it died down Stan sighed, commenting, "Sadly enough, though, I can see her point."

"Go Team Canon," Kyle agreed as the bus arrived to take them to school.

CREDITS:

Writer—Me

Director—Me

Music coordinator—Bubba

Producer—SAI

Actors—None Really… But if I had to guess… ME!

Editor—Bunny-Girl's Best Friend.

Grip—Bob


End file.
